Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That was before I lit my hair on fire
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
