I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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