I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
