He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
