Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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