Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
