We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
