i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My room smells like vodka and shame
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
