mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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