so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
