On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think my fart just growled at me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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