The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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