Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
