someone get that fucking seahorse.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You brought string cheese to the strip club
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
