Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
