She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
