his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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