Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
as a side note pls kill me
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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