you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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