i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
