So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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