either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
