left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
