I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
