i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
