I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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