my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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