That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
