ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
