My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Who died my cat blue again?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
