at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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