She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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