I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
