I think i peed on brittanys purse
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
