I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
