dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
