My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
