I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
