i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
