I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
