ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
