babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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