Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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