note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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