Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
