I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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