You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
