Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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