i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
