he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
