Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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