WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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