peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
