i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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