WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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