was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
