Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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