When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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