Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
