when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my being single is dangerous.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
